creep

so... I'm not sure how to come at this exactly. everything possible, good and bad, has basically happened. first off, lets start off with the incident. I have been spending a lot of time with the same group as the girl that I like. we usually end up watching a movie then cuddling anyone and everyone that happens to be present at any given time. it's a little weird to think about but for some reason I seem to be okay doing this and I find that a little weird itself. anyway this exact thing happens and I make sure that I end up cuddling with the one I like. I eventually end up spending the night there spooning the one all until the morning. this was the opportunity that I have been waiting for so I took my chance and got a little closer. I eventually gathered my courage and leaned in and kissed her. that was probably what I really needed most at this point in time in my life. this might have been dubbed a bad thing to do though. the reason why it is bad is actually kinda complicated and therefore has put me in a position that I don't know to proceed. mostly because I don't know how I'm suppose to feel. if i knew how i felt then I'd know what I want and then I'd have to figure how to get what I wanted but since I  don't know how I feel then a can't do that. I was told that I need not to  look into this event in any seriousness but just as pure fun and play. I'm not sure  if  I  want to or  even can at times. I'm trying not  to also because I was then told later that day that I should not pursue her because  it will only lead to pain. that is a good enough warning for most men to walk away but it only puts me in a stand still. I don't know whether or not to keep moving toward her or just to run like I have always known to do. I need to know she feels and what she intends before I even start to make up my mind of any of this.