new slang

I'm just basically ready to give up on my love life all together because I guess my love life has given up on me. every time that I have ever tried with a girl it usually seems to fall into a million pieces before anything serious can actually happen. well I guess a better way of putting this would actually be taking a break from trying than actually giving up. but the thing is that I really don't want to just because of the hope and the slightest of possibilities that something might actually work....

creep

so... I'm not sure how to come at this exactly. everything possible, good and bad, has basically happened. first off, lets start off with the incident. I have been spending a lot of time with the same group as the girl that I like. we usually end up watching a movie then cuddling anyone and everyone that happens to be present at any given time. it's a little weird to think about but for some reason I seem to be okay doing this and I find that a little weird itself. anyway this exact thing happens and I make sure that I end up cuddling with the one I like. I eventually end up spending the night there spooning the one all until the morning. this was the opportunity that I have been waiting for so I took my chance and got a little closer. I eventually gathered my courage and leaned in and kissed her. that was probably what I really needed most at this point in time in my life. this might have been dubbed a bad thing to do though. the reason why it is bad is actually kinda complicated and therefore has put me in a position that I don't know to proceed. mostly because I don't know how I'm suppose to feel. if i knew how i felt then I'd know what I want and then I'd have to figure how to get what I wanted but since I  don't know how I feel then a can't do that. I was told that I need not to  look into this event in any seriousness but just as pure fun and play. I'm not sure  if  I  want to or  even can at times. I'm trying not  to also because I was then told later that day that I should not pursue her because  it will only lead to pain. that is a good enough warning for most men to walk away but it only puts me in a stand still. I don't know whether or not to keep moving toward her or just to run like I have always known to do. I need to know she feels and what she intends before I even start to make up my mind of any of this.

superluv

Women are going to be the death of me. I'm kinda back on the last girl again. she broke up with her boyfriend and I kinda (hoped) saw this coming. I'm getting closer to her every time we hang out but I'm still uncertain if all of this is just a game or if she actually has some feelings for me. must investigate closer. but even if she doesn't, it's still just nice to have someone there. it gives me some motivation to actually get stuff done in my life because that was the one thing that was missing all of this semester and that has kinda put me in an awful pickle. I'm also not really sure how to keep moving forward with her and that's mostly the reasons why I write in this blog is to just get out my problems and hope for everything to eventually be solved and end up happy. maybe some day that will actually happen but who really knows.

why does it always rain on me?

well this week has been a really shitty week. everything is falling apart and everyone is canceling on me and now my freakin iPod is now fritz  and is completely busted. I'm not sure how I'm suppose to live. once again I have no one to turn to at this moment but luckily for me I'm going home tomorrow so I'll see my friends and be distracted for a little bit...maybe. but probably the worst that has happened today was when I found out that my crush now has a boyfriend so that just fucking sucks and you know whatever. life sux and then you die :p

Roxanne

I am lost and confused. I can now say that I am over the last one even though I don't think I will ever actually be completely over her. But that is not what why I am lost and confused. The stress of life and school isn't helping my problem but it might just be the one thing that is holding me together and telling myself that I can't just lose it and give up on everything. now lets dive into my confusion. I have a new crush (wow what a surprise) and I don't entirely want one right now. especially when it comes to this girl. I don't know how to get me closer because, as I have observed, she isn't the type of girl that would fall for a sweet guy like me but instead she is more driven to hot steamy sex and that is not my style of approaching things. to top everything off, when ever I hang out with her it's with a usual group of people. In this group there is a guy that used to be her make out buddy. there is always tension between them and they are constantly flirting. she says that she is over him and nothing is going to come of it, but I can see that there is still something inside of both of them that can't let the other one go. I honestly want to just give up on this girl and move one, but then I wouldn't know what I would do or where to go...or even I have the capability to let this one go.